Fighting Against Status Quo

Being back in Michigan wasn't what I had in my plans. I for sure didn't see that coming. My plan was to go to Thailand and be there for a year. Come back to renew my visa and head back. I went but due to circumstances I am now back again 5 months later. It's been hard being back because I sense the questions..... Or maybe it's just me. "What? She's back? Wasn't she going to be gone longer? What happened? Could she not handle it? Did something go wrong? Is she going back? She should have just stayed. Maybe it was to rough?"

Personally I don't like where I'm at. Personally I don't like not knowing what's going to happen. How long am I going to be here? I'm broke. I have no money, no airfare back to the place I am calling home. People are involved in their lives and it's hard to work into that. My Friends are all over the world.

I ask..... God couldn't I just get a job, and apartment, Involve myself in the lives of youth around me where I can actually communicate with them. It wouldn't be easier but it would be more solidified. At least I would hope so.

I'm not stupid enough to know that it would make life easier. But after these last few years there is something so appealing about working a "normal" job. Where I can say I worked this many hours and I know I will get this much money. I desire normalcy. I desire to be steady. Try out the other side of the fence and try that grass..... I probably would be ready to be back to my life in no time because despite this desire right now. This life style I am living, well it's in my blood. I would be ready to head out again in no time.

Shoot.... I'm just rambling. I don't even know if this makes any sense. If you are reading this by some chance. I hope it doesn't confuse you. But it boils down to this. God is faithful and He always will be. No matter what He has me doing in life, I will be obedient to what I know he has me doing. I will continue to be faithful to Him because he has shown me nothing but love, protection and provision and just because He is who He says He is. And I know, that I know, that I know, that I know, that he is the one and only true God who doesn't change. He will always be the same as He was yesterday, today and tomorrow.

And that is what it boils down to.