Moving on to the past that is the future

I am sitting in my favorite coffee shop the Looney Bean. There is a sad sense within me. On Sunday my Father and two of my sibs are suppose to be arriving in Colorado to help me move. I am moving back in with the family in Michigan. I know that this is right and I am suppose to walking in this direction. Yet it's an overwhelming sense to me that this is going to be the last time here. I don't know if I will ever find another place that is soooo great like the Looney Bean. I am sitting in the corner, by myself. It feels wrong. Like there should be someone with me right now. There have been so many people in my life at different times. People coming in and out. People who love and care for me. And most of the time I would enjoy this time of being by myself. But right now I just wish I had someone sitting in the chair across from me.

Someone to distract me from the emotions at hand. I have been pretty shut off from any emotions so far. It just hit me and has about knocked me out.

It might have to do with the fact that this is my last chance to be at the middle school youth group @ the Grove. I have been apart of this group for years now. I have been there when the 6th graders came in and have been there when the 8th graders moved on. I have passed out numerous hugs, cried on, been the "mean one" and told them to knock it off, listened to stories, laughed at their antics. It's been so much fun. It's also been challenging. Well worth it for sure!

This has been a huge part of my life. And tonight... It's over.

So I sit here by myself... Waiting on the Lord... asking him for his reassurance. Because right now I just want to curl up and not move. However I think if I did that in the Looney Bean they might have to call to have me removed and I don't think that would be a wise idea. So I move forward. One step at a time!

3:30 AM

Isn't funny how when you are allowed to sleep you can't and when you aren't allowed you really want to? That's how it is for me this morning. It's even a Saturday! Shesh I can't win.

I recently got back from a trip to India. Having had jet lag all last week and being sick, I don't know why I am not sleeping. But hey, since I am not sleeping I figured my blog could use a update.

I have a lot of big changes happening in my life here in about a weeks time. I'm moving back to Michigan for 6 months. I haven't lived in Michigan in 9 years. Not only am I moving back but I am moving back in with the parents. I think that weirds me out more then anything. I look forward to it too, don't get me wrong. The main goal is to spend time with the family and friends before I head to Thailand for a year. It's something that God put in my heart and I know that this is the right steps for me. But I can't deny that I am nervous. It's a major change in my life. I have become very use to and comfortable with the community lifestyle that I lived the last 9 years. So my goal going home. Is to serve wherever I can. I have a few trips I want to take as well to connect with people. To prepare for Thailand. To support raise. Most importantly to learn how to depend on God in a whole new light!