Fighting Against Status Quo

Being back in Michigan wasn't what I had in my plans. I for sure didn't see that coming. My plan was to go to Thailand and be there for a year. Come back to renew my visa and head back. I went but due to circumstances I am now back again 5 months later. It's been hard being back because I sense the questions..... Or maybe it's just me. "What? She's back? Wasn't she going to be gone longer? What happened? Could she not handle it? Did something go wrong? Is she going back? She should have just stayed. Maybe it was to rough?"

Personally I don't like where I'm at. Personally I don't like not knowing what's going to happen. How long am I going to be here? I'm broke. I have no money, no airfare back to the place I am calling home. People are involved in their lives and it's hard to work into that. My Friends are all over the world.

I ask..... God couldn't I just get a job, and apartment, Involve myself in the lives of youth around me where I can actually communicate with them. It wouldn't be easier but it would be more solidified. At least I would hope so.

I'm not stupid enough to know that it would make life easier. But after these last few years there is something so appealing about working a "normal" job. Where I can say I worked this many hours and I know I will get this much money. I desire normalcy. I desire to be steady. Try out the other side of the fence and try that grass..... I probably would be ready to be back to my life in no time because despite this desire right now. This life style I am living, well it's in my blood. I would be ready to head out again in no time.

Shoot.... I'm just rambling. I don't even know if this makes any sense. If you are reading this by some chance. I hope it doesn't confuse you. But it boils down to this. God is faithful and He always will be. No matter what He has me doing in life, I will be obedient to what I know he has me doing. I will continue to be faithful to Him because he has shown me nothing but love, protection and provision and just because He is who He says He is. And I know, that I know, that I know, that I know, that he is the one and only true God who doesn't change. He will always be the same as He was yesterday, today and tomorrow.

And that is what it boils down to.

Pushing against what seems to be walls.

I was talking to my friend today and I told her this comment: "I'm just mad at man kind right now!" Due to a circumstance of frustration (being at war with United). And my friend said something interesting to me that made total sense! She said " Charity, I feel like this, it, all of it, it's much deeper then that. Deeper then man kind."

Well I don't know about you but I had a forehead slapping moment! OF COURSE! It is much deeper then that. It's not against flesh and blood that I'm at war with. I am at war with the enemy of the King. Suddenly Months of struggles flashed before my eyes. Mostly in the financial aspect but also emotional, physical and spiritual struggles. It's been happening in all areas of my life. It's been little things here and there. Some bigger things as well.... But in the mist of it I had forgotten that my battle isn't against flesh and blood.

Sometimes I feel like that baby bird that struggled to get out of the egg.... It pushed and pecked it's way out, exhausted and free it looks up to see that it's in another egg. And then another and another and another.

I know that God never promised it would be easy. But sometimes I want to find the easy way out and try that road. Course me being oh so smart knows that that road is only going to bring worse things so I continue on this dang hard road.

I guess I just wish that I would find a jack pot with a good looking prince sitting on it next to a new home that was deeded to me by some distant relative that had payed all the bills for the rest of my life, a maid coming to daily, a garage with good reliable working vehicles and an IPhone.

Hey.... It could happen here... and it will for sure happen in the future.