When I Should Be Sleeping

Since I can't sleep and I have so many thoughts running through my head (Hence the lack of sleep) I have been contemplating my life. The past, present and future.

I am what a lot of people would call a goodie goodie. In my many years in life I have found that there are not many of us around. Many look down on us. Many don't think we understand life because we haven't "lived" it. I look at it as a blessing. Not to be one who has had to deal with the pain and suffering of sin. It is not a "better then you" mentality but a gratefulness. I am not perfect and have struggled. Mine have just looked different.

I have been contemplating the two choices. The choice to follow God and the choice not to. I have heard people say that it is to difficult to follow God... so they don't even try. I have heard people make the conscious choice to go against God. Some don't even have a clue or understand any different. I have also seen those who have been faithful to walk upright and true. To walk in the true heritage of God. The one road may seem to be easy and carefree but it only leads to death. The second seems rough and hard but it is the true path to life. At a young age I have chosen the path of life.

I can not give you an exact date that I "accepted Jesus" I don't think I ever did. I saw truth at a young age and make the choice every day to accept it. Somedays are easier then others. But I still choose to accept.

There is a simplicity in the complication and hugeness of God.

I look at life and I look at who I know God to be, who He says He is: I AM.

His presence holds us together. Without him we wouldn't even be to make the choice, yet he allows us to do so.

It is just logic to me.

I don't need answers to all the unfathomable questions. Yes I have questions. Those questions and their answers fit inside an awesome God.

I have struggled in my self discovery. Who am I? What am I to be? These last years has been discovering that. I can tell you that I am more confident in who I am now then I use to be in the past.

I have discovered a love for people, especially youth!

I have discovered a confidence that I didn't have before.

So I continue on this journey called life. It is going to look extremely different from yours. But yet they can be very similar .

I still struggle. I still question. I still have doubts. I still dream. I still live each moment as it comes. But under it all. It's my foundation that counts and I really want to acknowledge my foundation for who He is.

I don't know what my future is going to look like. I wonder when God is going to bring that husband around. I wonder where God's going to take me and have me do. And even though I have conversations about these things with God often. I am confident in Him, though my confidence level goes up and down.

So I guess what I saying is I choose to take the "hard road" that in reality is the "easy road" and not try the "easy road" which in the long run is the "hard road".

It's a journey! Really it's an adventure!