Here I am.... living in Thailand. Sometimes I sit back and wonder, could this really be real? I look back on my life and during those times of reflection, I wonder. How is it I have lived this life?How could this small farm girl from a simple life get to where I am today? I know that there is only one way. It's been about relationship the whole time. Only relationship would get me here. But I still have a sense of awe.

I'm not superwoman. I'm not someone who has it all together. In fact to have someone tell me that I do would make me laugh. I have struggled, oh I have struggled!

It has been a journey and it's not been easy. I know that the future isn't going to be easy. But God has been faithful to me every step of the way. Sometimes I doubted. Sometimes I didn't see a way through. But He's been oh so faithful to me all the time and He's going to be faithful to me in those future struggles. He's good all the time and his nature and character will never change because that is who he is.

I will keep reminding myself of that very fact. All the time.

Testimony of Blessing

The Ward Family and I had the privilege to be apart of a testimony service. A Believer in a village called together the surrounding believers. His testimony of God’s faithfulness was inspiring and one that many of us can relate to. Maybe not the situation, but the outcome.

He’s a farmer. It’s harvest season for his cabbages. As he’s harvesting he prays. “Lord, This is your crop. Maybe I could get 5 Baht for kilo of Cabbage. ( It is about 30 Thai Baht to 1 American Dollar.) Please provide I want to testify of your faithfulness.”

He arrives to market to find out that he is not going to get 5 Baht for his Cabbages… Instead he will receive 7 Baht for his cabbages. What a blessing to his family, church and community!

So he called together everyone to testify at God’s goodness. There was song, testimony, eating and fellowship. There was a spirit of joy in that place!

As I was sitting there I got to thinking about the blessings that God has given me. So many times we have such joy because of the blessing. But soon we forget about that blessing when the next hard time comes around. We forget about God’s goodness and provision. We forget that He is bigger then our problems. We forget that He never changes. He’s the same God of the blessings of the past and will be the same God with the blessings in the future as well. He won’t change that.

New Life

I think everyone has had times where they wish they could change their life and be someone else. Change the things that we don't like about ourselves, situations in our lives, difficult people around us. We see people who's lives seem to look so much better. We wish and fantasies about our different lives. There are chat rooms, websites and technology that helps us pretend to be someone else for a time being. But what if we stopped pretending and actually work towards being ourselves only better?

I've been thinking of the new life that God has for us. How he has the promise land all set up for us to walk into yet most of us are like the majority of the Israelites. We look and see the giants in the land so we freak out and say no way are we going to be able to go in and claim that land. It looks to hard. So we end up wandering in the desert and never see the promise land. Or are we a Caleb and Joshua? Who looked at the Promise Land and said " Yes we so can go in and claim it as our land... look who our GOD is! " They are the only two guys who got to go into the promise land. They got to experience their new life! They got to walk around and be apart of the new life God had for them. They got to walk in it..... To me that sounds like the most exciting thing to know the promise that God has given you and to be able to walk in it. I've experienced it myself. I know the joy and excitement when it comes to walking in the promises of God. Why don't you walk in those promises everyday? Why shouldn't you walk in them?

What is holding you back?

There is new life in the Promises of God. Your choose is....?

Clinging to my Foundation

We just had something come to light with our family that has shaken us. It does not shock me how sin effects not just one's self, But many around you. It's the same with the blessings as well. They too can effect those around you. But the sins, ohhhh, let me tell you, are not easy at all to get through. It makes me thankful for a Foundation to cling to and a Source of Strength to tap into. The hardest thing is watching events unfold and the broken hearts of those involved. Disappointment, sorrow, disbelief, uncertianty, protectiveness etc.
For me it's those feelings.... my heart and mind cry out to my Father... "Oh God, bring wisdom, bring peace, bring healing, bring forgiveness, bring repentance, bring strength, bring protection. May you be in the center of the ashes! My heart crys out to you, Lord!
I am clinging to You, I need your strength and reassurance that you will walk through this with us. I need to be reasured of the fact that I am not spirling uncontrolably by myself and that my foot is indeed still on a frim foundation.
Please.. I beg you.... Pray with me....

Learning lessons from a 4 year old

Yesterday I was called upon to watch 6 children for 6 hours. Fisher is 4 years old and he taught me something new yesterday. Did you know that when you are washing your hands, after putting the soap on your hands you can totally blow huge bubbles by making a ring out with your fingers? I KNOW!!! Why didn't I think of that! All these years I thought you had to have a stick with a ring on the end and liquid soap and water... I NEVER thought to use my fingers as the ring! I was blown away by this new discovery. I wonder if a 27 year old can do it or if you have to be 4? I think I will test it and see. It could save me hours from being bored!

Moving on to the past that is the future

I am sitting in my favorite coffee shop the Looney Bean. There is a sad sense within me. On Sunday my Father and two of my sibs are suppose to be arriving in Colorado to help me move. I am moving back in with the family in Michigan. I know that this is right and I am suppose to walking in this direction. Yet it's an overwhelming sense to me that this is going to be the last time here. I don't know if I will ever find another place that is soooo great like the Looney Bean. I am sitting in the corner, by myself. It feels wrong. Like there should be someone with me right now. There have been so many people in my life at different times. People coming in and out. People who love and care for me. And most of the time I would enjoy this time of being by myself. But right now I just wish I had someone sitting in the chair across from me.

Someone to distract me from the emotions at hand. I have been pretty shut off from any emotions so far. It just hit me and has about knocked me out.

It might have to do with the fact that this is my last chance to be at the middle school youth group @ the Grove. I have been apart of this group for years now. I have been there when the 6th graders came in and have been there when the 8th graders moved on. I have passed out numerous hugs, cried on, been the "mean one" and told them to knock it off, listened to stories, laughed at their antics. It's been so much fun. It's also been challenging. Well worth it for sure!

This has been a huge part of my life. And tonight... It's over.

So I sit here by myself... Waiting on the Lord... asking him for his reassurance. Because right now I just want to curl up and not move. However I think if I did that in the Looney Bean they might have to call to have me removed and I don't think that would be a wise idea. So I move forward. One step at a time!

3:30 AM

Isn't funny how when you are allowed to sleep you can't and when you aren't allowed you really want to? That's how it is for me this morning. It's even a Saturday! Shesh I can't win.

I recently got back from a trip to India. Having had jet lag all last week and being sick, I don't know why I am not sleeping. But hey, since I am not sleeping I figured my blog could use a update.

I have a lot of big changes happening in my life here in about a weeks time. I'm moving back to Michigan for 6 months. I haven't lived in Michigan in 9 years. Not only am I moving back but I am moving back in with the parents. I think that weirds me out more then anything. I look forward to it too, don't get me wrong. The main goal is to spend time with the family and friends before I head to Thailand for a year. It's something that God put in my heart and I know that this is the right steps for me. But I can't deny that I am nervous. It's a major change in my life. I have become very use to and comfortable with the community lifestyle that I lived the last 9 years. So my goal going home. Is to serve wherever I can. I have a few trips I want to take as well to connect with people. To prepare for Thailand. To support raise. Most importantly to learn how to depend on God in a whole new light!