Clinging to my Foundation

We just had something come to light with our family that has shaken us. It does not shock me how sin effects not just one's self, But many around you. It's the same with the blessings as well. They too can effect those around you. But the sins, ohhhh, let me tell you, are not easy at all to get through. It makes me thankful for a Foundation to cling to and a Source of Strength to tap into. The hardest thing is watching events unfold and the broken hearts of those involved. Disappointment, sorrow, disbelief, uncertianty, protectiveness etc.
For me it's those feelings.... my heart and mind cry out to my Father... "Oh God, bring wisdom, bring peace, bring healing, bring forgiveness, bring repentance, bring strength, bring protection. May you be in the center of the ashes! My heart crys out to you, Lord!
I am clinging to You, I need your strength and reassurance that you will walk through this with us. I need to be reasured of the fact that I am not spirling uncontrolably by myself and that my foot is indeed still on a frim foundation.
Please.. I beg you.... Pray with me....

Learning lessons from a 4 year old

Yesterday I was called upon to watch 6 children for 6 hours. Fisher is 4 years old and he taught me something new yesterday. Did you know that when you are washing your hands, after putting the soap on your hands you can totally blow huge bubbles by making a ring out with your fingers? I KNOW!!! Why didn't I think of that! All these years I thought you had to have a stick with a ring on the end and liquid soap and water... I NEVER thought to use my fingers as the ring! I was blown away by this new discovery. I wonder if a 27 year old can do it or if you have to be 4? I think I will test it and see. It could save me hours from being bored!

Moving on to the past that is the future

I am sitting in my favorite coffee shop the Looney Bean. There is a sad sense within me. On Sunday my Father and two of my sibs are suppose to be arriving in Colorado to help me move. I am moving back in with the family in Michigan. I know that this is right and I am suppose to walking in this direction. Yet it's an overwhelming sense to me that this is going to be the last time here. I don't know if I will ever find another place that is soooo great like the Looney Bean. I am sitting in the corner, by myself. It feels wrong. Like there should be someone with me right now. There have been so many people in my life at different times. People coming in and out. People who love and care for me. And most of the time I would enjoy this time of being by myself. But right now I just wish I had someone sitting in the chair across from me.

Someone to distract me from the emotions at hand. I have been pretty shut off from any emotions so far. It just hit me and has about knocked me out.

It might have to do with the fact that this is my last chance to be at the middle school youth group @ the Grove. I have been apart of this group for years now. I have been there when the 6th graders came in and have been there when the 8th graders moved on. I have passed out numerous hugs, cried on, been the "mean one" and told them to knock it off, listened to stories, laughed at their antics. It's been so much fun. It's also been challenging. Well worth it for sure!

This has been a huge part of my life. And tonight... It's over.

So I sit here by myself... Waiting on the Lord... asking him for his reassurance. Because right now I just want to curl up and not move. However I think if I did that in the Looney Bean they might have to call to have me removed and I don't think that would be a wise idea. So I move forward. One step at a time!

3:30 AM

Isn't funny how when you are allowed to sleep you can't and when you aren't allowed you really want to? That's how it is for me this morning. It's even a Saturday! Shesh I can't win.

I recently got back from a trip to India. Having had jet lag all last week and being sick, I don't know why I am not sleeping. But hey, since I am not sleeping I figured my blog could use a update.

I have a lot of big changes happening in my life here in about a weeks time. I'm moving back to Michigan for 6 months. I haven't lived in Michigan in 9 years. Not only am I moving back but I am moving back in with the parents. I think that weirds me out more then anything. I look forward to it too, don't get me wrong. The main goal is to spend time with the family and friends before I head to Thailand for a year. It's something that God put in my heart and I know that this is the right steps for me. But I can't deny that I am nervous. It's a major change in my life. I have become very use to and comfortable with the community lifestyle that I lived the last 9 years. So my goal going home. Is to serve wherever I can. I have a few trips I want to take as well to connect with people. To prepare for Thailand. To support raise. Most importantly to learn how to depend on God in a whole new light!

Planning

I have to say that I am not a big fan of planning detailed stuff. I can do it and have been doing, but it really is not my thing. It's really stretching really. I have been trying to plan outreach. For 8 people including myself. Planning outreach can be fun if you know what your doing. It's difficult trying to plan something where you have never been and think of questions to ask the people you are in communication with. It's easy to plan for something where my own language is spoken. But what about the places that english isn't widely known?

Anyways, all that to say that planning outreach is getting to me and I am about to pull my hair out and be bald. So just beware if you see me with no hair!

Trying to Make Decisions.

I feel like the last few months has been God putting the obvious into my lap. Telling me "Ok... Let's do this"

I have struggled with stepping out into the unknown and taking a risk. Stepping into something that is out of my comfort zone. Stepping into something that has been on my heart and really just diving in. But it has been a process to get me to where I am. I am in the process of walking in that decisions. I don't have all the details figured out and I don't know what it's going to totally look like. But I know that I am walking true and right. I am excited. I am scared. I am sad. But I know that I have caught the heart of the Father. I am running with it. That makes me happy.

All In A Days Work

Labor Day turned out to be just that! We started work at 7am. The truck bed full of corn ears pulled up to the start of our assembly line.

You have the huskers, someone blanching, the people cutting the corn off the cob and the person scooping it into gallon Ziplock bags. Ear after Ear... I begin to see visions of more and more corn. I think it will be apart of my dreams.

There is something very satisfying about working so hard and seeing the profit from that hard day of work.

My arms are sore from cutting corn for 7 hours and I am almost about to fall asleep as I type this... But it was a fun day. Working with friends, and getting a project done.

Ahhhhhhh! That is a nice feeling!